“To say I didn’t “finish at the top of my class,” would be very generous. The truth is I’m the guy who was banned from all art classes for a whole year for calling the teacher names. That was the same year I got kicked off the basketball team for encouraging my teammates to skip practices and play in an indoor soccer league instead. The following year I turned it up a notch when I got suspended for mooning the camera during an all-school photo shoot, which was only realized after the photos had all been developed and paid for. It’s interesting, not everybody thought those things were funny 20 years ago. So what is the guy who was actually voted class clown 20 years ago, doing speaking at graduation?
Well, I suspect I’m here for a couple of reasons: [...]